Commentary

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Seahawks Homerism

Please, please, please, please, come on..please..

Someone wiser than me once said “If you’re not wrong, you’re not a homer.” I can’t remember who said it. I could have read it on the Internet. I probably did read it on the Internet. Hell, Ben Franklin may have said it, I’m not sure.

Putting aside the fact that I have a clear grasp on the famous quotes of our Founding Fathers for a moment, let me speak to you about the simple truth behind the statement.

“Homerism” is defined by the dictionary as “a sports fan dedicated, down to the very bowels of their soul, to one team, so much so they would kick a puppy for tickets to even an away game.”

So what if the dictionary actually has no such definition. I believe I’ve succinctly summed up well the homer. They’re a person so rabidly devoted to a team that they are myopic to the facts at hand in relation to the reality of their team’s actual situation. Every team has those fans, and they’re not necessarily bad fans. In fact, they provide the core – nay – the very heart, of a fan base. They keep the team afloat even in the worst of times.

Homers don’t balk and root for the team to lose to gain position in the draft. No homer ever supported the “Suck for Luck” campaign. A homer would physically violate the well-being of such a Seahawk “fan” and would put quotes around “fan” when they write about them, too.

For the Seattle Seahawks on Saturday, every homer who has ever taken off their pants and wrapped them around their head for good luck in overtime, every single nut-ball homer who has argued with some other idiot fan of another team about the best logo decals, is needed to boost our team over the San Francisco 49ers.

This season isn’t over, and the second-half success of this team has placed the Nation of the 12thman into a sense of euphoria that cannot be described. The Pete Carroll/John Schneider era has had its share of drama (see: First team to go negative in the win-loss column into the playoffs) and ups and downs. This season we’ve seen our future offensive line obliterated, we’ve tapped a rookie third-string for a cornerback and our quarterback’s pectoral muscle looks like a mangled KFC chicken breast. And yet here we are, with more hope than ever. With a backup line holding it’s own, that cornerback catching three interceptions and our quarterback showing he has the mettle for second-half blowouts. Both seasons for me have been horrid to watch and the best thing I’ve ever seen. I hate it. And I love it.

Homers are the people who, say, predict the Seahawks will go 11-3 in the second year of a rebuilding team. I may or may not have done that. I may have been mocked. I didn’t care. I believed. Because I’m a rabid Seahawks fan. I’m a homer. Am I sad that they didn’t get there? Not really. We still have a chance at the playoffs. Last year we shut up the defending Super Bowl champions when nobody else in the nation believed. It takes the dedication of not only the team for that, but the fans, too. Loud fans.

Century Link must be loud this Christmas Eve. I want Santa’s sleigh to literally crash out of the air due to fan-caused noise turbulence. A homer believes Century Link is the loudest stadium in the NFL. Others will argue that the Detroit Lions have the loudest stadium. They’ll probably point to some scientifically based piece of journalism to boost their position. A homer laughs in their face and scoffs at their science. A homer needs the science of a decibel-meter-backed loud stadium like Creationists supporting a 5,000-year-old planet need carbon dating. Century Link is, and will be, the loudest stadium in the NFL this weekend. The 49ers will have more false starts this game than all year combined. Those penalties will mean the difference in a crushing defeat in which the Seahawks win 33-10.

Believe it. Because if you’re not wrong, you’re not a homer.

Bio: Sam lives in Western Washington and goes by the name of @WolfTrap1984 on Twitter because it’s his gamer tag on Xbox Live and he thought it was cool at the time when he made it up. He signs autographs and encourages you to put them on eBay like A-Rod-signed one-night-stand baseballs.

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About Sam

Sam lives in Western Washington and goes by the name of @SamTrap84 on Twitter. He is not in to twerking.

Discussion

3 thoughts on “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Seahawks Homerism

  1. My thumb accidentally hit the 2 star, but I wanted to hit 5 and it wont let me change it…stupid iPhone! I thoroughly enjoyed your article. Hilarious!

    Posted by Kim | December 23, 2011, 6:16 am
  2. Who says Detroit is louder? I’ve never heard that.

    The only places close from what I understand are New Orleans and Kansas City

    Posted by AgentJ | December 24, 2011, 7:05 pm
  3. Your Blog about homer Reminds me of a song , I paid $20.00 bucks for from Mary Lou Turners Husband, David Byrd. I was young and Didn’t know much. Of course I’m Much Smarter NOW. The Song was caleld I Just Want My Man To Treet Me Right. It was so full of Showvenism?? I learned it in 20 minutes, and recorded it in two hours at Wheeling recording Studios. The Truckers loved it. I was #1 on the Williamsport Radio station WILQ for weeks and weeks. I’m so ashamed of it now, I feel the need to rewrite it. I just Want My Man To Be Polite. or I Just Want My Man To Pick A Fight. or , I Just Want My Man To Leave Tonight or I Just Want My Man To Fly A Kite . Which one do you like best? You can ask Hoemer i remember you saying he’s a real good song writer. I need your help PDQ , Norma Shirley Treese in PA

    Posted by Natali | November 19, 2012, 7:40 am

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